I Can Feel the Connection

I met a man using Tinder. We met at a bar. We sat outside on the back patio in big cozy club chairs across from each other. I can distinctly recall feeling like I could read his face and body in a way that I was not used to. It wasn’t really reading, it was more like I could feel him. Like I could feel his experience in my physical body. It wasn’t hitting me over the head, it wasn’t sparks or lightning or earth shattering – it was subtle and soft. I was only barely aware of it at the time, but I noticed things.

I noticed he was making an effort to keep his eyes on my face. When I would lean to grab my drink off the table and would divert my attention I could feel his eyes swiftly scan down my legs and back up. It felt warm and smooth. Each time I felt his eyes move I never saw them, but when I looked up his shoulders had relaxed another centimeter as if the tension of not looking was held there and every glance he snuck in helped him feel more at ease. It made me feel comfortable and I felt safe; I wasn’t being devoured, I was being appreciated – I could feel it.

I noticed that he has a serious-ness in his guarded state and he wore it on his chin and around his eyes. There was a closed-ness in his jaw, not clenched but secured. It wasn’t aggressive or defensive it was protective, like a closed door. His eyes were clear and attentive the whole time. It was around his eyes that was somewhat fixed and seemed to be holding him back from spilling out, like a floodgate. He was careful in how he let me in through the door and what he let out from behind the gate. This protective pose eased with time. First in his mouth and jaw, he started to smile and let me in a little. Then, his eyes would relax and settle and he would let his childish side out to play. Not to say the rest of his face and body weren’t following along, it was just so obvious on his face. And as these observable changes happened I could feel a weight being lifted out of our space, like there was room to connect. Like the hot heavy dry air of the desert was blown away by a cool beach breeze. Space was being made between us. I wanted to see him again, there was so much I wanted to learn about him and share about myself.

After spending about a month getting together a few times per week I came over for dinner and sexy time (as usual) and he was somewhat stressed out and had been for the better part of the day. I could see it on him when I got there (and he told me as much before I had arrived). He kept a good physical distance from me, his body was rigid and his eyes appeared distracted inside his head. So, we ate and kept the conversation light and slight. After we cleaned up we spent an hour exploring a common interest. When we were done his jaw was relaxed, his eyes were open and upbeat, he was smiling and his whole body looked comfortable and calm. We snuggled on the couch and he stroked my back and was affectionate in ways he hadn’t been. He said, “I am so glad you came over” at least 4 times before I went home that night. Throughout the night I noticed a strong shift taking place. I could feel his energy shift. It was a very powerful experience, similar to the first night. Except this time instead of space being created, he stepped into the space and we got closer.

I felt him open up to me, we didn’t discuss anything particularly personal or intimate, but it was like his energy opened its arms to mine. The way he touched me shifted, it was like he was allowing himself to enjoy the way our energy mingled. The way he looked into my eyes opened up, as if he was looking with warm interest and deep respect. The connection between us grew substantially, subtly and softly that night. I haven’t seen him as guarded since and we find a way to hold a kind and respectful space to share when we are together. I have never felt anyone like this before, nor have I felt space or energy move. The embrace of our energies is startling at times for me, but I am all the more intrigued at each embrace.